In my face..

I got on facebook today to see that someone who I rarely talk to had written on my wall.. 

I thought it was strange and then I read it..

"God has put you in this place not only to test you But to bring yourself and others closer to Him. You are contentiously being prayed for don't let yourself give into anything. You are strong with Him. Just remember the devil can whisper in your ear too. I'm not one to do this very often so I hope its what God wants you to hear."

I have no where to run. No way to deny it. That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear.. its like God just smacked me in the face.. In a good way of course. Dang. Dang. Dang.

Its time I make some changes. 

EEEaster : )

Yay. Today is Easter and it has gone pretty darn good. Good in the sense that there were a lot of people to night and I really feel like God is moving on the hearts of some of our friends here.

I think when I call this day good it is not going off my own feelings. The day started off fine, I worked on some school and then read in my bible. I felt like I at least owed God that.. since he died for me and all :P Then I saw a friend that just got back and that was really good...

I dunno.. the end of this day just wasn't really that superb. I was on edge and I just had a toned in my voice that... did not express the love of Jesus to say the least hahaha. 

I went back and read an old blog from Sept. on here and man... it was weird but I was inspired by my own blog haha. I feel like I am so good at writing crap and saying crap even if I am not living it.

I am in a rut right now. I am normal. I am just living this day to day life and doing nothing that will actually mean anything in the future. 

As this year winds down I am quite disappointed. I expected to move here and BAM God changes my heart and I am on fire and amazing and such. But that hasn't happened. There is no BAM. There is nothing. So much so in fact that I feel unworthy to even speak at my youth group when I go home. Maybe changing is a choice. That might sound strange. But some things just aren't based off of emotions. People say "I want to FEEL God..." Sometimes its not about how you FEEL. You just have to press in anyways. I know that I still have time to change, but... the real question is.. Do I WANT to change? or am I just comfortable in the day to day nothingness? 

I think I have become comfortable in the "valley." I am fine with my self-pity and always telling God "Oh I want to be closer to you. Oh I really need to put more effort into this relationship" then not doing it. I am comfortable and it is disgusting. I am the lukewarm christian. and to make matters worse... I am the lukewarm christian that judges other lukewarm christian! The hypocrisy is astonishing. MAN. If I could I would spew myself out of my mouth. I am so good at pointing fingers and saying that OTHER PEOPLE should be open to the word of God. Bur what about me?? I am no better than anyone else. In fact, I am worse because I am aware. I was reading in John today and there's a verse that just came to mind. 

John 9:40-41

⁴⁰ Some Pharisees who were standing nearby heard him and asked, “Are you saying we’re blind?”

⁴¹ “If you were blind, you wouldn’t be guilty,” Jesus replied. “But you remain guilty because you claim you can see.

I am done. I need to dwell on this new revelation! 

HE IS RISEN. HE IS RISEN INDEED. HALLELUJAH : )

SO I haven't blogged in a while.... guess now is a good time for an update.

My birthday was good and chill. Got to spend time with the family and with some friends!

Since then I've just been hanging out... with Tera.. basically everyday.

Now that Crissa is gone I had to find another friend and I am so thankful for Tera and the friendship that we have. I am truly blessed with everyone in my life. Certain days I don't even wanna think about going back to Jax because that means I have to say goodbye to all the people here. 

My sis comes in like a week and that is pretty darn exciting! Haven't seen her since september so it will be good to catch up. However I talk to her basically everyday so I rarely feel like we are apart. 

Tera is now gone for two weeks and most people have moved away or are on vaca so I am just thinking this week will be one full of school and getting caught up. 

Oh and the team is here and it is just so great having friends around. In fact tonight is a slumber partay! haha

FUNNN Times.

I don't know what else to really update on...

I started reading the book of John a few days ago.. Pretty amazing. 

That book is so real and enjoyable. Not boring...... which is nice because it can keep my attention.

Okay. Well... Goodbye for now. 

爱爱情爱

Gone in 60 Seconds.

Christmas is over and that is sad.

However it was So much fun and is a day I will never forget.

I enjoyed spending Christmas differently than other years.

It is good to change it up once in a while :)

My birthday is in 5 days. YAYA

Funtimes :)

LOVELOVELOVE

Sleight Bells Ring are you Listenin' 

In the Lane, Snow is Glistenin' 

I am quite excited for Christmas (which is in 4 days) andddd my BIRTHDAY in 11 daysss.

YIPPIEEEEE

A kinda lot has happened since the last time I blogged.

A) Crissa left for the Americas a week ago.

...B) Nicole, Andrew, and others left for 2 months.

C) Dan the Man came and went.

....D) Our friend Ben officially bought his plane ticket to come and visit.

E) My sister got her vacation time to come and visit.

..F) I have started to become friends with some new awesome people.

G) I went shopping with a friend and we got pretty amazing Christmas Sweaters.

H) I became the reigning champ on UNO.

.....I) I cut MY hair. (and my moms ha ha ha)

and other fun, to insignificant to blog about stuff :)

Life is just good.

I have started to kind of get homesick once in a while, but it comes and goes.

I just rely on Jesus and everything is great!

haha

 

For some reason lately I just haven' t been in the mood to blog...

I really don't know why..........

HMM

But I will try to stay up to date haha.

Anyways. i am just happy and content. Everything except for school is good.

:)

 

Oh and it snowed so it will most likely be a white CHRISTMAS!!

and It is freaking cold. 

The End. 

 lovelovelove

MM.... Today is a good day. 

I haven't done much in school, but I will. haha

I have kinda been dippin' in and out of school work for the past few hours :)

Thankfully it is not that cold today.

A chinese girl told me a few days ago that it would not get warmer, just colder.

But I am pleased to say she was wrong hahaha. I mean if 32ºF is warm to you, then she was wrong.

It is so crazy to look at the weather and be like "wow today is 30º, that is WARM" hahaha

I love it.

Last night I ate some oil drenched fish in a can. Wasn't too bad, just really oily and I still doubt that there was any meat on that fish haha.

Oh and I got a Bible in the mail yesterday, which is exciting!

I haven't had one cause I lost it and never found it before we moved.

This new Bible has a reading plan where you read all the main passages of the Bible in a year.

I got up this morning ready to delve in! So I have officially finished my second day of reading. hehe

It is a great feeling when you get to the end of the designated reading, and you want more. You have this urge to keep going. I love it!

Though I have stopped myself from continuing, I am trying to stay on track! :)

Last night I also read another chapter in the Shack. AMAZING. 

It was all about living in expectancy and NOT expectation! 

Living in freedom, knowing that nothing you do can or will add or take away from who God is.

Learning that my relationship with Jesus is not based on rules and expectations, but rather love and that in love I will chose not to do things that would hurt our relationship.

I know that once I accept Jesus into my heart, its a done deal and I can't do anything to undo that relationship. 

I also know that while developing that relationship and growing in it, I will start to understand that there are certain things that I am ABLE to do, but they will not benefit the relationship! 

I am just loving learning about the freedom that I can live in. 

In that freedom I can then love others and love Jesus with all my heart.

I can live a life with no reservations. I live all out holding nothing back :)

Oh the Joys. I love finding new revelations, learning more about the character of God.

Though I still have so much more to learn and everyday is a struggle between what I want and what will benefit my relationship with Jesus, I am slowly growing.

One day it will get to the point where what I want is what will benefit our relationship.

Where every thought and action is directly influenced by the heart of God and my enjoyment in following the His Will.

WOW this post is all over the place. But man does it feel good to try to write down my thoughts.

It is not an easy task. My mind is always wondering!

Daniel comes in one week! WOO HOO :)

LOVELOVELOVE

ME and GOD

SO.

I have so much to say. But I don't know how to put it into words. 

I am so many places I need to grow. 

There is just a part of me that depends so much on what other people think.

This is never good. Because if your feelings depend on other people you will always be disappointed. 

I need to work at this.

I need to put my feelings and trust and love in Jesus.

Then I have a rock and a foundation. 

Oh man. I wish I could just vent BUT I have got to keep it inside. 

One day I will have someone that I can talk to face to face, but for now.

Its just ME and God.