SO this day has started out pretty great :) I was woken up by a text from Crissa asking if I wanted to go to breakfast, we met at hamamas and it was delish!
This week has kinda been a big boring blur. Nothing to jump up and down over haha. School has been the main focus (or at least its suppose to be the main focus haha). I have such a small attention span. ha. Doing school on the internet doesn’t really help because my mind WANDERS. I think of something and then I have to google it and then I have to read about it then while reading about it I find something else interesting and I have to read about that and this process just continues on. If I could chose what I want to read about in school I might be a little more interested. But the truth is if I am suppose to read something then I am more than likely not going to. If I am forced to do something I automatically push back against it.
While writing this all I can think about it how writing a blog is different once you know someone actually reads it. It like you feel like all the sudden you have someone to impress or you are more careful about what you write. More thought is put into each word. I hate that. Not the people reading it part, but the knowing that people read. I have the personality that I want to impress or I want people to like me. I base my confidence and self off of others. Which is a really sucky personality trait! Honestly my personality almost contradicts itself. I say was I think and don’t care who I offend, yet there is a part of me that completely cares what others think. Sometimes I will just say that I don’t care when I really do. Some think I am a mean person but the truth is I just put up that wall. Right now I am trying to think of a way to explain that more in depth but I am just blank. SO next subject.
Right now I am listening to John Mayer. He is awesome.
When it comes to the most important relationship... Things are dwindling. There are the mountains and there are the valleys. I feel as though I live most of my life in the valleys. For like a week or so I feel a little better. I feel as though I am putting some effort into it. But times like the one I am in now I just feel lost. Empty. Helpless. You are taught that these are the times when you are really suppose to seek him, but I can I seek when I feel as though I have nothing. Nothing to give. Seeking takes strength. How do you seek when that strength is gone? Maybe that is when the greatness of God comes in. The time when you have nothing. When you are most vulnerable. The truth is you there is nothing you can give that God doesn’t already have haha. Maybe it is when you seek, having no strength. When you seek his face that is where you find strength.
I hope that makes sense. Kind of all over the place. But that is how life is. A big mess. :)
mmm.... freedom is so great.
<3
1 comment:
I think God loves us the most when we have nothing to give and no strength left. That's when He gets to prove Himself, again to us. Imagine if you had all the power in the world, but people rarely gave you a chance to show it off. When you finally got a chance, you'd jump at it and love it. I think that's how He is right now. You don't have to have strength, just open the word and read and let Him speak through the words. Or turn on a song and close your eyes. He'll do the rest. See, that doesn't take any strength!
You're doing good. The coolest thing is, whether youre on the mountain or in the valley, He is there. It doesn't get any better than that.
Have a great day, my dear. Let him stir up something inside of you. =)
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