NObama :)

down on your knees.... for the moment you can hardly breathe

SO this day has started out pretty great :) I was woken up by a text from Crissa asking if I wanted to go to breakfast, we met at hamamas and it was delish!

This week has kinda been a big boring blur. Nothing to jump up and down over haha. School has been the main focus (or at least its suppose to be the main focus haha). I have such a small attention span. ha. Doing school on the internet doesn’t really help because my mind WANDERS. I think of something and then I have to google it and then I have to read about it then while reading about it I find something else interesting and I have to read about that and this process just continues on. If I could chose what I want to read about in school I might be a little more interested. But the truth is if I am suppose to read something then I am more than likely not going to. If I am forced to do something I automatically push back against it.

While writing this all I can think about it how writing a blog is different once you know someone actually reads it. It like you feel like all the sudden you have someone to impress or you are more careful about what you write. More thought is put into each word. I hate that. Not the people reading it part, but the knowing that people read. I have the personality that I want to impress or I want people to like me. I base my confidence and self off of others. Which is a really sucky personality trait! Honestly my personality almost contradicts itself. I say was I think and don’t care who I offend, yet there is a part of me that completely cares what others think. Sometimes I will just say that I don’t care when I really do. Some think I am a mean person but the truth is I just put up that wall. Right now I am trying to think of a way to explain that more in depth but I am just blank. SO next subject.

Right now I am listening to John Mayer. He is awesome.

When it comes to the most important relationship... Things are dwindling. There are the mountains and there are the valleys. I feel as though I live most of my life in the valleys. For like a week or so I feel a little better. I feel as though I am putting some effort into it. But times like the one I am in now I just feel lost. Empty. Helpless. You are taught that these are the times when you are really suppose to seek him, but I can I seek when I feel as though I have nothing. Nothing to give. Seeking takes strength. How do you seek when that strength is gone? Maybe that is when the greatness of God comes in. The time when you have nothing. When you are most vulnerable. The truth is you there is nothing you can give that God doesn’t already have haha. Maybe it is when you seek, having no strength. When you seek his face that is where you find strength.

I hope that makes sense. Kind of all over the place. But that is how life is. A big mess. :)

mmm.... freedom is so great.

<3

Because I got HIGH

So I walked into McDonalds today and much to my surprise I was met with the lyrics "Because I got high, because I got high, because I got highhhh" hahahah. That song brings back so many great memories. :) It is hilarious and I must admit hearing it today was a highlight of my stay in China so far. 

Its funny because living here you have to learn to find true joy and happiness in the smallest things. Hearing that song brought a smile to my face and singing along to is was great. Even if multiple people were staring at me with a puzzled look on their face haha :)

Life has been great lately. Kath left yesterday which kinda sucked, but it was cool having her here and getting to show her around the city. We went into St. Sofia's on tuesday. It was pretty cool. Just kinda sucked that it had been completely overrun with pictures and crap, yes I know its like a museum or whatever, but I would have enjoyed it more if it just looked like a normal church inside. Other than that it was cool. I got a pretty ring there haha. The best part was probably the picture of the last supper. It was huge and there was Jesus. Up on the wall, blown up. That was kinda like a screw you to everyone that said Jesus isn't aloud in this country. No matter what country, Jesus is always here. SO great. 

Lately I have started to have this feeling rise up in me, like that I don't need to try to hide my faith just because of the country or the people I am around. There is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide, nothing anyone can do to me that will touch the spirit of God living in me. Oh I free I feel when I write out that kind of thought. To know that I have something so much more important that life or death. To know that I can live with a confidence, I have the creator of the universe on my side. mmm.... so great. 

The weather. Now that is a subject I could right a whole blog on. haha :) It feels pretty good today, but you can definitely tell the weather is shifting. The other morning when we took Kath to the airport it was like 40 or so degrees and I was SO cold. haha. Well truth is I probably have no idea what it really feels like to be cold. Kathleen thought it would be really great to mention the other night, when it was about 60, that it is going to go down 100 degrees. Now that is like shoot me in the face cold. I know that I will NOT be going outside when it is like -30. NO THANK YOU. ") but I will say I am enjoying being able to wear like long sleeves and stuff, however..I refuse to not wear flip flops until it is completely necessary. When there is the possibility of my toes falling off, then I might contemplate wearing real shoes! 

Today we found out that the US Embassy in China got bombed. That was pretty surprising and really sad. I am grateful that no americans died, but it is very sad that 16 others died. I have friends there, so I was also very to find out they were ok. 

Since first starting this blog a couple hours ago, I have now moved locations and am pleased to announce that the coffee bar we having been wanting to go to is great! The internet works perfectly and I can't wait for my carmel frap :) Though I hate coffee, I tasted Crissa's carmel frappuccino the other day and it is quite superb!

Well there is not much more to say right now :)

Life is so great.

I miss everyone in Jax and Love them dearly. 

Have a great day/night!

xoxo

Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin

My Dad just introduced me to Chris Tomlin's new song, Jesus Messiah. Usually I don't like him music too much cause its a little generic for me but man this song is pretty awesome. 

Here are the lyrics:

He became sin 
Who knew no sin 
That we might become His Righteousness 
He humbled himself and carried the cross 

Love so amazing 
Love so amazing 

Chorus: 
Jesus Messiah 
Name above all names 
Blessed Redeemer 
Emmanuel 
The rescue for sinners 
The ransom from Heaven 
Jesus Messiah 
Lord of all 

His body the bread 
His blood the wine 
Broken and poured out all for love 
The whole earth trembled 
And the veil was torn 

Love so amazing
Love so amazing, yeah

Chorus: 
Jesus Messiah 
Name above all names 
Blessed Redeemer 
Emmanuel 
The rescue for sinners 
The ransom from Heaven 
Jesus Messiah 
Lord of all 

All our hope is in You 
All our hope is in You 
All the glory to You, God 
The light of the world 

Chorus: 
Jesus Messiah 
Name above all names 
Blessed Redeemer 
Emmanuel 
The rescue for sinners 
The ransom from Heaven 
Jesus Messiah 
Lord of all

AWESOME :)

Hebrews 11. Those of whom the world is not Worthy.

I was just reading through some of Hebrews and Romans trying to find my favorite verses of the Bible. I found it. and now I would like to share it with you. Not only my favorite, but some others that are really good too!

The Best:

-Hebrews 11:32-39 "³² How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. ³³ By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, ³⁴ quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. ³⁵ Women received their loved ones back again from death. But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. ³⁶ Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. ³⁷ Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half,^[d] and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. ³⁸ They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground. ³⁹ All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. ⁴⁰ For God had something better in mind for us, so that they would not reach perfection without us."

-Romans 12:9-12 "⁹ Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. ¹⁰ Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ¹¹ Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. ¹²Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying."

-Romans 12:2 "² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

-Romans 12:3-5 "I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. ⁴ Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, ⁵ so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other."

-Romans 11:33-36 "³³ Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!

   ³⁴ For who can know the Lord’s thoughts?
      Who knows enough to give him advice?^[l]
   35 And who has given him so much
      that he needs to pay it back?^[m]

   ³⁶ For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen."

Thats all for now. More later.... very soon : )

Kath is HERE :)

So I know this is like 3 days late, but oh well. My sister is here! It is pretty exciting. When I saw her face in the airport it was so weird. It seemed as though we had never been apart. We are back to normal, just like we were in Jax. Arguing about everything. It is great : )

Anyways so today we are gonna go down to Central Street. I am going to try to say it in chinese. COULD BE I N T E R E S T I N G. haha to say the least. but I guess we'll see. We are gonna go shopping yay!

SOOOO yeah school has been going slow. Man my determination is dwindling. For some reason I have really taken a liking to the word dwindle. Kinda a cool word. Anywaysss school is just gay. but I have to get through it. 

I am just babbling right now. but I don't care, I enjoy writing down my thoughts. 

Last night was fun. I went to dinner with friends from the university. It did kinda suck cause they are not allowed to speak English, but whateva. I insisted on them keeping to their contract, though I would have liked if they would have spoken Some English. However there was one point in the evening that I did not quite enjoy. I will only say one thing. I do not enjoy being treated like a child. 

So yeah I think I am gonna go catch a quick shower then we are off to shop for the day!

Oh and then tonight we are going to this random hotel with my parents and the school they work for because today is teachers day. could be interesting, hahah :)

but I think we could be bowling tonight! fun fun

xoxoxoxoxo :)

Disappointment

It really sucks when you get your hopes up about something, but then those hopes are completely crushed. I hate writing blogs that can seem negative or depressing but right now I am home alone and the only person that is willing to listen is this blog. HAHA :)

Today I woke up to being told that if I didn't submit assignments I would be withdrawn from precalc. Now isn't that something exciting to hear the second you wake up. Thank God though my day hasn't continued down a bad path. In fact this day has been quite good. Other than the fact that I have been in front of my computer for the past 8 hours straight. not exaggerating! I ask God for some determination and today I actually think he gave me some. Yes I was forced to work today, so its not like I chose to work for 8 hours on precalculus, but still. I feel somewhat accomplished today. 

Now from reading this paragraph you must be wondering why this blog and such a dreary name and opening paragraph. Well you see, I am starving. I have only eaten 1 grilled cheese sandwich today. Whenever you are hungry you are prone you be in a worse mood. But its really not even about my mood, it just that I truly look forward to hanging out with people and when the events that I look forward to vanish, it sucks. Though writing this blog so far has helped lighten my mood. I have been alone for close to 7 hours and I just wanna do something.

OK I am done. Short and not toooo sweet :)

xoxo

The Days are Rolling By .

Man I wish I had more friends. People always say that Jesus is the only friend that you need and he is always there, but what about those times when you just don't feel him. When you have that feeling of complete loneliness. Yes you can pray and read your Bible but that definitely doesn't always help. There has to be more. I have to find more. I know there is more to this relationship and I am desperate to find it. Find the missing piece.

Today was quite uneventful. We bought a scale and I now know I have lost about 6 pounds. Though losing weight is one of the least of my worries, it is nice to know that I am 6 pounds lighter.

Oh exciting news! I ordered 2 bottles of water today at a restaurant.. IN CHINESE! hahahah I know it is lame, but with every little accomplishment there is a little celebration. Life without celebration is so boring and dull! Laughter and celebration. I love it! 

I really am excited about Sunday. Kath gets here! and Abi and Jason get back. Though the group of friends I have made here aren't the closest friends in the world I still love hanging out with them. I have missed going out to dinner. Now that Crissa is in school, she can't speak english. So I am quite bored. 

But other than that. Life is so great. I am living and breathing. :) Can't ask for much more than that!

Hebrews 3:12-14:"Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieveing, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still "today," so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ."

荣耀是上帝- I love Google Translator ; )

A Beautiful Life, A Beautiful Day

Today is such a great day in Harbin :)

Its almost 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas haha!

I haven't done much today, other than hang with my mom cause its her day off, and anticipate seeing kath in less than a week! A few days ago I made a chocolate cake and man is it good! haha.

When living over here you have to learn to find true happiness and enjoyment in the little things. Little things that make up each day. Not every day, not every week, not even every month with something truly grand happen so if you base you happiness off of the extraordinary then you will be very disappointed. I have also found that basing your happiness off of material things will also just end in disappointment. You have to learn that true happiness comes from within and being happy is something you choose. I truly believe that. I believe that in many situations you can choose how you feel. You can choose to be happy and have a positive attitude or you can choose to be negative. That was my perspective about moving to China. People would always ask me how I felt about it and I just told them that I was choosing to be happy. Yes there are things that you find happiness in that you don't necessarily choose, but you also have a choice when it comes to happiness. 

When talking about happiness you have to talk about the greatness of God. Well you of course have to know him first but only when you know God and when you have a relationship with Jesus will you truly know what happiness is. What true happiness is. People will live their life, trying to fill the void in their heart with stuff. Stuff that will never suffice. If only they could learn and understand the love of God. A love that brings true happiness.

Today we listened to the Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. Man I love that sermon. I so much want to grasp the concept that being at the center of God's Will will not be easy. There will be times when you question and when you feel like you don't get an answer, but you have to know that God is on your side. Obeying God's Will doesn't mean there won't be hardships, it doesn't mean that your life is going to be a breeze, but it does mean that when you are at your loneliest point, when you are laying in your bed in Harbin China, feeling as though you have no one, no one to talk to, no one to listen, even there God is with you. If you just listen you will hear God's voice. I try to tell people that don't know Jesus about how he talks and if you listen you will hear. But so much in my own life I question. Rarely do I actually feel like I hear the voice of God. But I will tell you something... When I do hear, when I know in my heart that the voice I just heard was the voice of the creator of the universe, man that is amazing. I will admit that I do not always follow that voice, but again when I do, it is the most fulfilling feeling in the world. And its not always the voice of God but it is sometimes when you get to have a front row seat and watch the work of God, that is when you know. You know that you have a purpose. You are living your life for a reason. Everything you do will have impact. Too many people live a pointless life. Always wondering. Never knowing their God-given purpose. I do not want to live that way. I want to know that every time I step out the door or open my mouth I am glorifying God and moving one step closer to fulfilling his will in my life. :)

La Vita Bella