In my face..

I got on facebook today to see that someone who I rarely talk to had written on my wall.. 

I thought it was strange and then I read it..

"God has put you in this place not only to test you But to bring yourself and others closer to Him. You are contentiously being prayed for don't let yourself give into anything. You are strong with Him. Just remember the devil can whisper in your ear too. I'm not one to do this very often so I hope its what God wants you to hear."

I have no where to run. No way to deny it. That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear.. its like God just smacked me in the face.. In a good way of course. Dang. Dang. Dang.

Its time I make some changes. 

EEEaster : )

Yay. Today is Easter and it has gone pretty darn good. Good in the sense that there were a lot of people to night and I really feel like God is moving on the hearts of some of our friends here.

I think when I call this day good it is not going off my own feelings. The day started off fine, I worked on some school and then read in my bible. I felt like I at least owed God that.. since he died for me and all :P Then I saw a friend that just got back and that was really good...

I dunno.. the end of this day just wasn't really that superb. I was on edge and I just had a toned in my voice that... did not express the love of Jesus to say the least hahaha. 

I went back and read an old blog from Sept. on here and man... it was weird but I was inspired by my own blog haha. I feel like I am so good at writing crap and saying crap even if I am not living it.

I am in a rut right now. I am normal. I am just living this day to day life and doing nothing that will actually mean anything in the future. 

As this year winds down I am quite disappointed. I expected to move here and BAM God changes my heart and I am on fire and amazing and such. But that hasn't happened. There is no BAM. There is nothing. So much so in fact that I feel unworthy to even speak at my youth group when I go home. Maybe changing is a choice. That might sound strange. But some things just aren't based off of emotions. People say "I want to FEEL God..." Sometimes its not about how you FEEL. You just have to press in anyways. I know that I still have time to change, but... the real question is.. Do I WANT to change? or am I just comfortable in the day to day nothingness? 

I think I have become comfortable in the "valley." I am fine with my self-pity and always telling God "Oh I want to be closer to you. Oh I really need to put more effort into this relationship" then not doing it. I am comfortable and it is disgusting. I am the lukewarm christian. and to make matters worse... I am the lukewarm christian that judges other lukewarm christian! The hypocrisy is astonishing. MAN. If I could I would spew myself out of my mouth. I am so good at pointing fingers and saying that OTHER PEOPLE should be open to the word of God. Bur what about me?? I am no better than anyone else. In fact, I am worse because I am aware. I was reading in John today and there's a verse that just came to mind. 

John 9:40-41

⁴⁰ Some Pharisees who were standing nearby heard him and asked, “Are you saying we’re blind?”

⁴¹ “If you were blind, you wouldn’t be guilty,” Jesus replied. “But you remain guilty because you claim you can see.

I am done. I need to dwell on this new revelation! 

HE IS RISEN. HE IS RISEN INDEED. HALLELUJAH : )

SO I haven't blogged in a while.... guess now is a good time for an update.

My birthday was good and chill. Got to spend time with the family and with some friends!

Since then I've just been hanging out... with Tera.. basically everyday.

Now that Crissa is gone I had to find another friend and I am so thankful for Tera and the friendship that we have. I am truly blessed with everyone in my life. Certain days I don't even wanna think about going back to Jax because that means I have to say goodbye to all the people here. 

My sis comes in like a week and that is pretty darn exciting! Haven't seen her since september so it will be good to catch up. However I talk to her basically everyday so I rarely feel like we are apart. 

Tera is now gone for two weeks and most people have moved away or are on vaca so I am just thinking this week will be one full of school and getting caught up. 

Oh and the team is here and it is just so great having friends around. In fact tonight is a slumber partay! haha

FUNNN Times.

I don't know what else to really update on...

I started reading the book of John a few days ago.. Pretty amazing. 

That book is so real and enjoyable. Not boring...... which is nice because it can keep my attention.

Okay. Well... Goodbye for now. 

爱爱情爱