EEEaster : )

Yay. Today is Easter and it has gone pretty darn good. Good in the sense that there were a lot of people to night and I really feel like God is moving on the hearts of some of our friends here.

I think when I call this day good it is not going off my own feelings. The day started off fine, I worked on some school and then read in my bible. I felt like I at least owed God that.. since he died for me and all :P Then I saw a friend that just got back and that was really good...

I dunno.. the end of this day just wasn't really that superb. I was on edge and I just had a toned in my voice that... did not express the love of Jesus to say the least hahaha. 

I went back and read an old blog from Sept. on here and man... it was weird but I was inspired by my own blog haha. I feel like I am so good at writing crap and saying crap even if I am not living it.

I am in a rut right now. I am normal. I am just living this day to day life and doing nothing that will actually mean anything in the future. 

As this year winds down I am quite disappointed. I expected to move here and BAM God changes my heart and I am on fire and amazing and such. But that hasn't happened. There is no BAM. There is nothing. So much so in fact that I feel unworthy to even speak at my youth group when I go home. Maybe changing is a choice. That might sound strange. But some things just aren't based off of emotions. People say "I want to FEEL God..." Sometimes its not about how you FEEL. You just have to press in anyways. I know that I still have time to change, but... the real question is.. Do I WANT to change? or am I just comfortable in the day to day nothingness? 

I think I have become comfortable in the "valley." I am fine with my self-pity and always telling God "Oh I want to be closer to you. Oh I really need to put more effort into this relationship" then not doing it. I am comfortable and it is disgusting. I am the lukewarm christian. and to make matters worse... I am the lukewarm christian that judges other lukewarm christian! The hypocrisy is astonishing. MAN. If I could I would spew myself out of my mouth. I am so good at pointing fingers and saying that OTHER PEOPLE should be open to the word of God. Bur what about me?? I am no better than anyone else. In fact, I am worse because I am aware. I was reading in John today and there's a verse that just came to mind. 

John 9:40-41

⁴⁰ Some Pharisees who were standing nearby heard him and asked, “Are you saying we’re blind?”

⁴¹ “If you were blind, you wouldn’t be guilty,” Jesus replied. “But you remain guilty because you claim you can see.

I am done. I need to dwell on this new revelation! 

HE IS RISEN. HE IS RISEN INDEED. HALLELUJAH : )